What was your dirtiest moment in puberty

Hello! Who are you, then? - My way to myself

Some days I wonder who this strange person is who looks at me every day with tired green eyes from the mirror. I'm Marsha, 35 years old. Mother of second boys, wife, blogger, and part-time social media aunt. I am the one with the packed everyday life, who works through my tasks during the day, still goes to bed far too late and has not been able to sleep through the night for two years.

Unfortunately, there is very little space left for cultivating friends. And anyway, the huge circle of friends from back then - from a distant time - has shrunk to a small base. And yet so many virtual friends have been added: although I hate to make calls like the plague, there are again people with whom I really enjoy doing it. But what is really important is my loved ones - my family.

Somehow I have the feeling that I've changed a lot, especially in the last few years. And for that I have to go back a long way. You know, when I was little, I was open, cheeky and had a hell of a mouth. It gushed out of me freely and honestly. Always. My parents support that. And yet I got offended by the rules of society.

I keep thinking about the story my mother tells me so often. We were on vacation, it had rained a bit and we were walking on the Baltic Sea beach, where I loved to collect mussels and marvel at the jellyfish washed ashore. Sandy, with hair disheveled by the wind and the dirtiest rubber boots ever, we ended up in the restaurant of a very posh hotel. Eat with cake. And because I was the way I was, of course I wanted to introduce myself to all the unknown hotel guests. People who all sat posh and waited for their lunch.

So I went from table to table: “Hello, I'm Marsha. And who are you? ”,“ Hello, I'm Marsha. And you look like a witch. "" Hello, my name is Marsha. Do you want to play with me? ”. Of course I got no answers. And the two children - in suits and tulle dresses, mind you - either weren't allowed or wanted to play with me - the troublemaker. As an only child, you're not that picky - you play with what's there. Unfortunately, one cannot infer others from oneself. I didn't understand the rudeness.

This cheeky, cheeky little girl was always offensive, especially among adults. Because she often said things that nobody dared to say. Still, I always made friends quickly, even if we didn't speak the same language. However, I never had a true best friend, even if I still have contact with many friends from the first few years.

Then came puberty. And all that self-confidence was suddenly blown away. Puuufff. I hid behind loose boys' clothes with my braces. Was I ugly or did the others tell me that? For a long time I didn't have a real circle of friends either. My joke, my shine was hidden behind a solid gray-beige facade. Just don't attract attention. In high school I was called the wallflower. Am I part of it or not? Can i be the way i am? Or am I offending again?

It took me many years to find the right balance between attracting attention and not attracting attention. From one facade to the other. I've been hurt by a lot of people. And inflicted emotional wounds myself. My apprenticeship is a complete disaster in terms of human relationships.

And then there was my time as a student in college. And for the first time I felt that I can be who I am. That there are like-minded people with whom I swim on the same wavelength. Who can also get a crisp slogan, understand sarcasm and appreciate honesty. Here I met the man who is still by my side. With whom I had a huge circle of friends. Who went with me through the deepest depths. And with whom I share the most beautiful moments of my life.

We got married and had children. The circle of friends changed. First grew, then shrank. And the focus was more on the family. What is good for us? What do we enjoy? We are enough of ourselves and yet there is sometimes a longing for adventure.

I look back on my many stages in life and think: Wow, I made it. I've found myself in the last few years. Just as determined as the little girl from before, I can approach people again. I no longer care about blasphemers and ban people from my life who are not good for me. I try to keep friendships and to help wherever I can. I am someone you can count on without asking too much myself. I am the one who speaks without thinking, who has to be told jokes twice and who is sometimes really upset.

How would I introduce myself today? “Hello, my name is Marsha. 35 years old, mother of two boys, wife of a loving man. I am a blogger and work as a social media manager. And I love what I do I need the variety and the hustle and bustle, even if it makes me infinitely tired. Yes, sometimes I feel lonely and I would like to have a lot more time with my friends. But I have my family. And that is my greatest happiness at the moment. "

Inspired by the great texts of my blogger friends Celebration Sun - between searching and finding and mother hen and so - my path is not over yet